


He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

by Kileykao



Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 07:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21504127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kileykao/pseuds/Kileykao
Summary: “Sammy?” He whispers and Sam hums into the darkness of their hotel room, turning to face the other bed, “Do you love me?”Sam laughs, “Of course, you’re my best friend,”
Relationships: Liam O'Brien/Sam Riegel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

“Sammy?” He whispers and Sam hums into the darkness of their hotel room, turning to face the other bed, “Do you love me?”

Sam laughs, “Of course, you’re my best friend,”

*

“Sammy?” He whispers the better part of ten years later into the small amount of space between them in the recording booth and Sam hums, “Do you love me?”

Sam smiles, bright and all teeth, “Of course, you’re my best friend”

*

The better part of fifteen years after the first time, in the warm atmosphere of an expensive restaurant, half-eaten food and mostly drunk wine between them, Liam whispers, “Sammy,”

Sam smiles and whispers back, “Liam”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course, who else would be my best friend?”

It’s not the answer Liam wants. 

*

Somewhere within the first couple of years of knowing Sam, he’s standing shoulder to shoulder with Amy, scrubbing dishes with a sponge and soapy lukewarm water before handing them to her to dry them off.

“Are you in love with Sam?” She asks and Liam almost drops the plate he’s holding, the ceramic plate almost slipping out of his head and into the sink. 

“In a way, of course, he’s my best friend,” he doesn’t look at her, his eyes stay firmly locked with soapy water slowly filling the sink. 

She pushes at him, her hips bumping into his with a soft laugh, “But do you _love_ him, _love_ him.”

Liam looks at her and she smiles at him, and he says, “I love you, Amy.”

She shakes her head, repeating back the sentiment and drops the subject. 

*

They have a baby the next time she asks. Liam is standing rocking the infant as Amy moves around the kitchen preparing a bottle. Once the bottle is ready, Amy hands it to Liam and he slowly starts feeding the baby. 

Quiet washes over them and Amy asks, “You have a date with Sam tonight, right?”

Liam hums in agreeance before saying, “It’s not really a date. We’re just going for dinner,”

She holds her arms out, expectantly waiting for Liam to pass of their child back to her, “Speaking of your ‘not’ date, you need to get ready. Go look your best for your boyfriend,”

“He’s not my...” but Amy had already walked off with the infant, shaking her head at his denial. 

*

Years after that, Liam lands face down on the mattress, still fully dressed from his night out with Sam. Amy reaches over without looking up from her book, a hand landing on his back rubbing threw the fabric of his suit. 

“Are you okay, Liam?” Amy says before looking over when he grumbles something into his pillow in response. 

After a second, more legible Liam says, “I’m in love with Sam,”

Amy shut her book with a soft thud turning to face him, “I know,” 

He looks at her wide-eyed and scared and says, “No, I’m _in_ love with him,”

Amy just smiles, pulling Liam into a kiss, “I know, honey,” 

He whispers it again and she says, “It’s okay, I know,”

*

One Thursday night, or well Friday morning in the parking of the Geek and Sundry offices after a high strung and emotion game, Sam pulls Liam into a hug. Into Sam’s chest, Liam whispers, “I love you,”

Sam smiles and whispers back, “I couldn’t ask for a better best friend,” a kiss into his hair, “I love too, Liam”

*

It’s not the answer Liam wanted. 

*

Q only really asks him once. He’s standing in the Riegel-Tran kitchen in nice jeans and a button-up, waiting for Sam to be ready for their dinner date. They’ve known each other for ten years and it’s harder to have nights like this now. Between work and kids, it’s damn near impossible to get time like this. 

“Do you love him?” She asks him, blunt and arms crossed across her chest. 

“Of course, he’s my best friend,” Liam answer easily. 

Q’s eyes narrow, “Do you _love_ him?”

Liam smiles sadly, and her expression softens, “Of course I do,” 

She smiles at him, pulling him into a hug and into his ear, she whispers, “That’s good,”

She doesn’t ask him again. 

*

They’re both drunk in a booth in an overcrowded bar. It’s loud and Liam is drunk and almost entirely in Sam’s lap. He turns so their sharing breaths, their friends around them, filling the air with a conversation. 

“Do you love me, Sammy?” Liam has a crooked smile on his face and Sam laughs leaning in and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Of course, bestie.” Another over-exaggerated kiss on the cheek, “You’re my best friend and I’m glad to have you,”

*

The two of them are standing in the rain. Their shirts soaked threw and holding hands as they run down the streets of Manhattan. 

“Do you love me?” Liam asks on a street corner as they wait for the signal to cross. 

Sam smiles, pulling him close before saying, “Of course”

Into his soaked thru shirt, Liam asks, “But do you _love_ me?”

Sam drops a kiss into his soaked hair before saying, “Your my best friend, Liam. I’ll always love you.”

The light changes and they run across the street hand and hand. 

*

Pressed into his chest, his arms around her waist, and her fingers softly combing threw his hair, Amy asks “What would you want from Sam? If you were dating?”

Liam is silent for a moment, he closes his eyes letting the feeling of Amy’s weight and warmth on his chest and her fingers on his scalp wash over him. 

“I would want to know he loves me,” he says in a small voice. He doesn’t know how much Sam would be willing to give him. He’d honestly take whatever the younger man would offer. 

But really all he truly wants is to know that he loves him. 

Amy’s fingers still and she sighs, “Oh, Liam,” Amy presses a kiss to his mouth, “Sam loves you very much,”

Liam pulls Amy into another kiss and whispers, “It’s not the same for the two of us,”

*

Amy tells him once that Sam is just as much his spouse as she is. Liam had laughed and pulled her into a hug. 

“But I love you more,” Amy laughs and pulls him down into a kiss. “Besides, we get to have sex, and Sam wouldn’t ever want that with me,”

“Maybe you should ask him for that,” she says easily with a smile. 

And Liam freezes. It’s not every day that your wife tells you to ask your best friend for sex in such a casual and non-joking manner. Dumbly, he replies, “But your my wife,”

“And he’s your husband,” She kisses him and with a hand on either side of his face with a smile, “You deserve to be happy, Liam.” 

*

“Do you love me, Sammy?” He asks the two of them almost on top of each other in the back of an Uber. 

“Of course,” he answers with a laugh and lacing their fingers together, “You’re my best friend,”

It’s not the answer he wants. 

*

Sam finds Liam with his knees to his chest and his head buried in his arms. Sam settled next to him on the couch and pulls him into a hug. His arms wrap around him and his face drops into his hair. 

“Are you okay?” Sam whispers into him, his voice soft. 

Liam is silent for a moment, then turns to face into Sam’s chest and whispers, “I’m tired,” 

Sam presses a kiss to his forehead, “Then let's get you into bed,”

Sam pulls him to his feet and gently guides him towards his and Amy’s bedroom, he can hear Amy getting the kids into bed as Sam pushes the door open, then dropping him down into the mattress. Liam hesitates for a moment, before pulling Sam down with him and moving so he’s on top of him. 

Liam lets out a content sigh. He didn’t realize just how tired he was before this. 

Sam says something, but Liam grumbles and pulls the blanket up over the two of them. 

Sam says something about having to go home, or maybe it was something about how he has somewhere to be in the morning? It’s something about Sam leaving and he doesn’t want that. 

Sam is the perfect cuddle buddy. So he just wraps his arms around his neck and mutters, “Stay,”

Sam settles his arms around his waist, rubbing circles in the small of his back and humming a melody that Liam doesn’t recognize. 

A few moments later, the bed dips down and he in his weird state somewhere between not asleep and asleep he hears Amy ask in a whisper, “Is he asleep?” Sam must’ve nodded in response because he feels her settle under the blankets next to the two of them and say, “good. That’s good.”

“Are you fine with me spending the night here? Cause I think he has me trapped.” Sam asks as he feels Amy’s fingers comb threw his hair and Sam’s fingers still tracing along his spine. 

“Yeah” a beat. “Honestly, I think I’d be more upset if you woke him up. I can’t remember the last time he slept through the night. Or even got a good night’s sleep even.”

He feels Sam press a kiss into his hair. The bed shifts again, then the lights turn out and then Amy’s back under the cover next to the two of them. 

“I’m glad he has you, Sam. He loves you.” She says into the darkness

“I’m glad he lets me have him. I love him too.” 

“That’s good.”

*

“I love you,” Liam whispers. 

“I love you too” Sam whispers back with a smile. 

Liam knows that Sam doesn’t mean it the same way. 

*

Liam O’Brien met Sam Riegel on a Friday. He was all teeth, fluffy hair and a bubbly personality that was a sharp contrast to his own. 

His first thought was that he stepped off the cover of a magazine. That he was some boy band heartthrob. 

(He looked at Sam and thought ‘ _oh wow handsome’_ and then he talked to Sam for the first time and went ‘ _oh, we’re going to be best friends’_ )

*

Sam holds out a glass of amber-colored liquid and Liam lets him hold it to his lips so he can take a sip. The whiskey burns down his throat and the two of them are definitely going to be drunk for Talks tonight. 

Sam takes his glass back, as he settles his arm around Liam’s waist, pulling him a bit closer. Liam is tipsy and Sam is warm. It’s nice to have him close. 

He holds his glass out to Sam and he takes a sip as Liam tips the glass back. 

Liam is warm inside and out. 

“I love you,” Liam whispers. 

Sam presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek, and whispers back, “I love you too”

(Liam is like 99 percent sure the woman running the whiskey tasting thinks their _together_ together _._ But he can’t bring himself to care. 

It's nice to pretend for a little while, even if Sam doesn’t want that.)

*

“I love you,” Liam mouths in Sam’s direction, watching as he tries to fight back tears.

Sam ducks his head away and scrubs at the tears in his eyes. 

Oh. Yeah, they’re on camera. Fuck. 

(He doesn’t care Sam is crying)

*

He bumps into Sam randomly in a studio. They’re heading in opposite directions. 

Sam is heading to record audio for one thing on the other side of the building, and Liam is heading in the other direction -- with a young twenty-something voice actor that he hasn’t met before today -- on his way to direct a different project. 

Sam pulls him into a hug as they pass one another. A tight squeeze around his waist, before pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I’m running late, so I don’t have time to chat, but I love you, Liam.”

Liam laughs, pushing at Sam for him to get moving, “Go, go, don’t be too late.” Sam pulls away and starts to jog off in the opposite direction. Liam takes a step forward then turns back to face him, “I love you too, Sammy. I’ll see you tonight for our date?”

Sam turns around walking backward and shouts out, “I won’t be late for that,” before he disappears around a corner. 

Liam turns to the young actor and says, “He’s going to be fifteen minutes late tonight no matter what.”

The young actor stares at him wide-eyed for a second before asking, “Are you two married?”

Liam laughs, “Something like that.”

*

Six months later, that same actor will be very confused when he introduces Amy to him as his wife at the launch party of that video game they worked on together. 

“I thought you had a husband?” He’ll ask. 

Amy will laugh and tell the young man, “He does also have a husband. He was busy tonight, though, so I’m here instead.”

“But you’re his wife?” He’ll ask her. 

Amy will smile and says back to him, “Me and his husband are very good at sharing,”

He’s pretty sure the guys either thinks he’s the biggest piece of shit or that Amy was fucking with him. 

(Two weeks later, he gets a text message from Sam that says, ‘ _a young kid I was directing today ask me if I knew my husband had a wife,_ ’

‘ _What did you tell him?_ ’

‘ _That me and Amy are very good at sharing_ ’)

*

He wishes Sam meant it.

*

“I love you,” Liam says with no hesitation.

Sam smiles and with no hesitation says back, “I love you too,”

*

Two hours after they land in Seattle, Sam drags him to his feet off of his bed in their shared hotel room and tells him to get ready to go. He doesn’t tell him where they’re going, just that he has something special for the two for them to do. 

Liam lets Sam lead him down to the lobby with few questions, just tugging on his leather jacket as Sam ushers him into the elevator telling him that they have reservations and can’t be late. 

“Where are we going?” Liam asks as they stand in front of their hotel, waiting for their ride to pick them up. 

Sam drapes his arm over his shoulder, before saying, “It’s a surprise,”

Liam shakes his head, and as their Uber pulls up he asks, “Are we at least getting food at this surprise, I’m starving.”

“I’ll get you whatever you want to eat when we get there,” Sam says opening the door and guiding Liam into the backseat of the car. 

Fifteen minutes later, the driver lets them out in front of their destination and Liam realizes as he looks up at the sign that it’s a cat cafe. The same cat cafe he had offhandedly mentioned to Sam almost four months that he wanted to visit while they when they were in Seattle but didn’t think he’d have time to slip away from the convention to visit. 

Sam Riegel, who is very much not a cat person, took him to a cat cafe. Sam _remembered_ that he wanted to go to the said cat cafe.

Liam freezes looking up at the sign, then looks to Sam confused, “You remembered?”

“Yeah. I knew you really wanted to go but didn’t think we’d have time. So I worked it out with everyone that we can just have some us time tonight,” Sam opened the door and ushered Liam inside, “We can get drinks and you can pet some cats, plus when we’re done we have dinner reservations.” Sam says lacing their fingers together as they wait for the hostess to be free. 

“But you hate cats,” Liam says just a little bit dumbfounded that Sam took him to a cat cafe, that Sam remembered he wanted to go in the first place. 

“But you love them, so I can survive an hour while you enjoy yourself,” He says with a grin, squeezing his palm.

“I love you,” Liam says pulling Sam into a hug, “Thank you, Sammy.”

Sam presses a kiss to his cheek, then smiles wrapping his arms around Liam’s waist returning the hug, “I love you too, Liam”

(Not only does he get a full hour to sit surrounded by kittens and cats, as Sam Riegel watches him from the seat across from him with a delighted smile. He gets to have dinner just the of them too)

*

Later that night, even though they have separate beds, Liam climbs into bed with Sam. 

“I love you,” is all Liam says. 

“I love you too,” is all Sam says back. 

*

Liam settles into Sam’s side, gabbing at his arm and relaxing as Sam pokes at him. 

“Hey buddy,” Liam says. 

“Hi friend,” Sam says back. 

The camera cuts away and Sam presses a kiss quickly to his forehead, before whispering, “I want you inside me,” just loud enough for the microphones to pick up. 

Liam smiles holding on around Sam’s arm. 

Brian sputters trying to re-find his words. 

*

Liam wishes he meant it

*

“We should kiss,” Sam is wearing a ridiculous hat and a brightly colored ring of flowers around his neck. 

He doesn’t hesitate. He just leans forward and presses his lips to Sam’s, both of his hands grip tightly to Sam’s arms and the younger man’s free hand settles on his ribs. 

He hears the telltale snap from a phone camera but doesn’t care. He’s kissing Sam Riegel. 

Sam pulls away first, laughing with a bright smile. 

*

“You two should kiss,” Marisha says on the other side of the camera, “It’s not like this is the first time.”

They roll and Liam sits down on the couch and leans over for a kiss. Sam hesitates for a moment, then presses an over-exaggerated kiss to Liam’s lips. 

*

“I love you,” Liam mutters from his place in the passenger seat. It’s dark and he has no idea what time it is, but Sam is softly humming along to the low music on the radio. 

Sam turns to face him quick then back at the road as his fingers tap against the steering wheel. He smiles, then says, “I love you too,”

*

Q asks him sometime in 2018 why him and Sam aren’t sleeping together. He kinda sputters for a moment, unsure of how to answer that. 

It’s not every day that your best friend’s wife walks up to you at a party and wondering why you’re not fucking her husband. 

“Sam doesn’t want to,” He says after a moment. 

“Oh, Liam,” she replies back, “Maybe you should ask him,”

*

“I love you,” he whispers like it’s the only thing holding him together. 

“I love you too,” Sam says back like a promise.

*

Sam pushes a hot paper cup into his hand, with a smile. 

Liam smiles back, wrapping his fingers around the warmness of the drink and taking a sip. 

(It’s his favorite.)

*

Sam drops a box wrapped in loud birthday paper that exclaims happy birthday in bright colors and a dark purple ribbon around. 

“I thought we weren’t doing gifts?” Liam says letting his fingers tracing along the curls of the ribbon. 

“I just thought you’d like this,” Sam says dropping a kiss into his hair before sitting down next to him.

Liam pulls at the paper and inside is a dream catcher. Different colored strings that are weaved together to make a flower, and hanging from the bottom are rich black feathers. He runs his fingers across the design then looks at Sam. 

“You said that you’ve been having nightmares,” he’s silent for a moment, then presses a kiss into Liam’s hair, “And Amy said you haven’t been sleeping. I thought this might help,”

Liam smiles and pulls Sam into a hug, muttering a soft thank you. 

*

It’s dark in their hotel room, the ever loud hustle of New York City filtering in. Their room is mostly dark, and Liam looks over to Sam’s bed. The younger man’s face is dimly illuminated by the glow of his phone. 

“Can I sleep in your bed?” Liam asks and Sam holds his arms open. Liam climbs into his arms and settles easily in Sam’s grip. 

*

“We should be best friends,” One of them says, and the other flashes them back a wicked grin. 

“That’s a fantastic idea.” The other replies easily. 

*

They dance at a wedding. Liam doesn’t remember whose wedding was the first that he and Sam danced at, but now it’s somewhat of a tradition at this point to dance the two of them. The first was a messy box step barely in time to anything let alone the music. This time it’s easy and practiced. A slow back and forth swaying that makes Liam smile. 

Their fingers lace together and Sam presses a kiss to his cheek as the music starts to slow. 

“I love you,” Liam says. 

“I love you too,” Sam says back. 

A second song starts and they linger just a moment swaying with each other for just a little longer. 

*

“I love you,” Liam says looking down into the amber liquid in his glass. The liquid swirls around the glass, and he frowns down into it. 

Sam sitting across from him smiles, all teeth and happiness that is a harsh juxtaposition from Liam. But really, that’s just what they are. Sam reaches out, his fingers lacing together with his, and squeezing. 

“I love you too,” Sam’s voice is quiet and Liam looks up. The busy restaurant around them seems to melt away and all that is there is Sam. 

He has Sam and that’s all that matters. Right?

*

Liam is drunk — Very, very drunk — and Sam’s hand is on the small of his back, tracing circles threw the fabric. He’s leaning heavily into Sam and the younger man doesn’t seem to care. 

He looks up at Sam and Sam looks down at him. For just a second, the noisy room around them fades away and it’s just them. It’s just the two of them sharing breaths and for a split second Liam swears that Sam looks down at his lips. 

He’s probably just drunk. 

*

Liam took the bed closer to the door this time. Sam is in the next bed over and the room is dark. Or well, It’s as close to dark as a hotel room in the middle of a city can get and Liam is tossing and turning. 

After fifteen minutes of Liam tossing and turning he hears Sam mumble sleepily into his pillow, “Come here, Liam.”

Liam freezes looking over in Sam’s direction. Sam’s face is still buried into the pillow, but he's holding the blanket up for him to join him. 

Liam hesitates for a moment and Sam grumbles for him to come again. Slowly, Liam climbs out of bed and falls into Sam’s grasp. The younger man settles the blanket over him and his arms holding him tight. 

“Sleep,” he whispers and that’s the last thing that he remembers. 

*

Nott says she has a crush on Caleb. 

His -- Caleb’s -- rugged jawline and his wit.

Sam looks right at Liam as he says it. 

Sam clearly means Nott.

*

Scanlan and Nott kiss. Upside down like spiderman.

It’s nothing more than that. 

(“Do you think we could pull off a spiderman kiss?” Sam asks with a grin and Liam laughs)

*

“Do you love him?” Q asks him again. This time pulling him aside at the studio, she’s dressed up for her Between the Sheets and Liam isn’t going to be in the building long. She found anyway. He doesn’t need to ask who she means. 

“Of course,” he says. His answer hasn’t changed. He still loves Sam the same as he did the last time she asked. 

“Do you _love_ him?” She asks again, and Liam runs his finger threw his hair nervously. 

“Of course, I do.” 

She pulls him down into a hug and after a second he lets his arms settle around her waist returning the hug. 

“You’re going to have a date with our husband next week,” She says before she pulls away, “Before I leave for my next job.”

She doesn’t leave room for Liam to protest. 

*

Q gets them reservations at a high-end restaurant. Neither of them asks how she came about the reservations, nor does Sam ask why they’re getting a date night that wasn’t planned months and month in advance. 

The food is good, but the company is better. 

Their halfway threw eating their main course when Sam says, “Q said you have something you wanted to talk about today and to stay open-minded?” He takes a drink of the deep red wine in his glass, then says, “And Amy texted me this morning telling me to ‘be gentle’ with you.”

Liam feels his cheek get hot and he looks down at his steak. It’s a lot to think about Q and Amy working together to make sure their date night goes smoothly and Liam doesn’t leave with a broken heart. 

He’s silent for a moment and Sam seems to understand that he needs a minute to collect his thoughts. He’s thankful for that. 

“I love you,” is what he settles on eventually. 

Liam looks up at Sam and the younger man smiles while he reaches across the table, lacing their fingers together and squeezing, “I love you too, Liam”

Liam frowns, looking back down at where their fingers are interlocked together, then shakes his head, “No, Sam you don’t understand, I _love_ you.”

Sam frowns too at his extra emphasis on love, and says, “I love you too, Liam. I thought you understood that.”

Liam blinks, looking back up at Sam shaking his head again, “No, I love you in the I want to kiss you and take you to bed kinda way,”

“Okay,” Sam says confusion lacing threw his voice, “I thought you didn’t love me that way.”

His mind blue screens at that. He was expecting a lot of different ways for tonight to end. A gentle rejection or a ‘well, okay, but no’ or even an ‘I have a lot to think about’. It never crossed his mind that Sam might also love him in that way. 

“You do?” is what comes out of Liam’s slightly slacked mouth after a second. 

“Of course,” Sam says his brow furrowing together, “I thought you knew and we just weren’t going to ever talk about it.”

“Oh” 

“Oh?”

“I thought you didn’t love me that way.”

Sam squeezes his hand before moving his hand up behind Liam’s neck. He leans across the table to do so, then pulls Liam into a kiss, he lingers for a second after, and Liam can feel the eyes of the other people in the restaurant watching the two of them. Sam whispers, just loud enough for him to hear, “I love you, Liam O’Brien”

Sam pulls away and he whispers back, “I love you too, Sam Riegel.”

  
  



End file.
